WRITTEN BY: Mpho Motsie-Mabuda
As a relationship and sex coach my main focus is to do everything in my power to assist my clients to avoid breaking up. I do everything to try and make sure they stay in their relationships and thrive.
But there are instances where some relationships just cannot be saved. And the only best thing to do you for you, your partner and your kids, if any, is to go your separate ways.
The best way is to have a “Good” break up. It’s been proven that breakups are heart breaking. And they are one of the most stressful things a human being can go through.
The pain you experience during the end of a relationship is real. It can even literally cause a broken heart, stress cardiomyopathy which simply is “Broken Heart Syndrome”.
It impacts your body and your immune system gets weak, which increases blood pressure and the heart rate. Stress from your grief releases the hormone Cortisol. This may cause a heavy feeling in your chest area which some people can mistake as a heart attack.
A breakup or divorce is like a social death. You go through the steps of grief. Something that used to be there is no longer there.
We don’t get good information and examples on building good relationships, sex and that goes also with how to cope with the end of a relationship.
There is an art to having a good break up. Breaking up in a healthy way, breaking up like adults and not like kids throwing toys out of their cot. This goes for both males and females.
It will be hard so after your grieving process start focusing on yourself as starting a new life as a single person. Improve yourself for the better, for you and not for your ex.
Breakup can get quite complicated when you there are children involved. As much as it might not feel like it at first, they will also be affected by the breakup.
Breaking up like adults help the children, it is important to not cause them more stress by using them to hurt each other, the children suffer the most.
Forgive your ex no matter what they did, because they probably will move on and you will be stuck harbouring feelings of hate. This could even negatively affect your next relationship or even prevent you from finding a new relationship with a great partner.
This will mean you lose a whole lot more. Forgiveness brings peace and healing. Get support. Invest in a coach or therapist who deals with break ups and divorce can be very helpful and give you support during your new journey towards your bright future.
In instances where there is abuse it is advisable to always have support from family or social workers and to never meet an abusive ex alone.
A breakup will be painful but always remember that life is full of ups and downs and the downs only make you stronger.